No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
