I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
