Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
