my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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