it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
