Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
