Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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