I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
