I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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