Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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