To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
