I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
