i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
