Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
