The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
