If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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