I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
