I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
