very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
