U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
