you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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