Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
