My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize