My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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