who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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