Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
