did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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