I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
