i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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