I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
