allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
