with your own penis?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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