walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
