New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
