So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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