I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.