I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn