I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
