I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
