OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You ruined the universe
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
