ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize