my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
