Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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