So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
