Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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