Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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