we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
