mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
