she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
