Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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