At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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