even my farts smell like vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
