you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
