I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
