Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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