the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
