I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
