upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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