I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
