great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
