my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
