ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
