you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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