He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
