Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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