I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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