Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
These tits shall not be calmed
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