he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my being single is dangerous.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
