I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had to cum in my sink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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