You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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