I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
