After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
