one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
