ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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