thus making me awesome and them whores
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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