This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
