i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
