I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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