I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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