she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
