Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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