get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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