It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
