I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
