just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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