They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
