I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
