WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
