Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
