I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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