I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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