he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
