And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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